How I Stopped Trying to Be Perfect and Started Loving Myself as a Nigerian Woman

        For the longest time, I thought being a “good Nigerian woman” meant ticking every invisible box people placed in front of me. Be respectful. Be quiet. Be beautiful. Be strong. Be humble. Be hardworking. Be everything all at once. I didn’t realize that in chasing perfection, I was slowly losing myself. I grew up surrounded by women who did it all — cooking, cleaning, raising kids, working, praying, smiling, and never complaining. I admired them, but I also misunderstood them. I thought perfection was the goal. I thought that to be respected, loved, or taken seriously, I had to be flawless too. But life has a funny way of teaching you the truth.

 
The Pressure to Be “Perfect”
      It starts small ,the comments from aunties, the silent judgments from people online, or the subtle comparisons that come with being a woman in Nigeria. Someone always has an opinion about what you wear, how you talk, what you post, or how you live your life.

If you dress up too much, you’re showing off.
If you don’t dress up enough, you’re lazy.
If you cook too much, they say you’re trying too hard.
If you don’t cook, you’re “not wife material.”
     No matter what you do, someone somewhere will find fault in it. And the truth is, trying to please everyone is the fastest way to lose yourself. There was a time I genuinely believed my worth depended on people’s approval. I tried to sound nice, look nice, live nice — but I wasn’t living for me. I was living for comments, likes, and people who didn’t even know my full story.

 
The Moment I Realized I Was Tired

     It wasn’t a big, dramatic moment. It was one evening when I caught myself redoing something that was already fine you know just because I thought someone might not like it. That’s when it hit me: I’ve been performing, not living. I was exhausted. I was chasing validation from people who didn’t even notice how much effort I put in.
That night, I told myself enough is enough.
I wasn’t born to be perfect. I was born to be real.

 

Learning to Accept My Own Pace
     Now, I take life slower. I still cook, dress well, and care about my family but not because I’m trying to prove anything. I do it because it makes me happy. Some days my house is not spotless. Some days I wear the same nighties twice. Some days my hair is not laid to perfection. And that’s okay. That’s called being human. Ino longer feel guilty for choosing peace over performance.
And guess what? The people who truly love me still love me messy bun, tired eyes, and all. Nobody tells you that the so called “perfect” women also break down sometimes. They cry in silence. They question themselves. They get tired. They’re just better at hiding it because they’ve been told not to show weakness.

    But strength is not pretending to be okay. Strength is being honest about your feelings and still standing tall.

Being a Nigerian woman is not easy. You juggle expectations from family, society, and sometimes even social media. But it’s okay to drop some of those expectations if they’re weighing you down. You don’t owe anyone perfection.

 
I Started Choosing Myself
      The best decision I ever made was choosing myself. I started writing more freely on my blog. I stopped comparing my progress to others. I learned that peace of mind is more beautiful than public approval. I started waking up with less anxiety and more gratitude. I learned that I don’t have to prove my worth by being the “ideal” anything not the ideal wife, blogger, woman, or daughter. I just have to be me. And that’s enough.

 
What I Learned Along the Way
       I learned that peace is better than perfection. Joy is better than performance.
And authenticity will always outshine approval.
When I stopped trying to impress people, I started attracting the right kind of energy  people who appreciate honesty, effort, and growth. Ialso learned that success feels sweeter when you achieve it without pretending. The internet is full of filters, but life is not. I’d rather be a little imperfect but real, than polished and empty inside.

 
My Message to Every Woman Reading This
You don’t have to do it all.
You don’t have to please everyone.
You don’t have to hide your bad days.
You are enough right now, even if your life doesn’t look like what you imagined. Perfection is an illusion — peace is the goal.

So take off that heavy crown society placed on your head. You are not here to perform; you’re here to live, laugh, fail, learn, and rise again.

You are not a robot. You are not a checklist. You are a person — full of grace, flaws, and stories that deserve to be heard.
Conclusion

The day I stopped trying to be the perfect Nigerian woman, I finally became free. I started living for myself, not for comments or expectations. Life became lighter, my blog became more honest, and my confidence grew.

If you’re reading this and you feel that silent pressure to always look or act “put together,” take this as a sign to breathe. You don’t have to be perfect you just have to be you. Because the real you is already enough.

Follow me on bitesandbeauty.com.ng for more honest talks about real life, womanhood, and finding beauty in imperfection.

Love, 💕 

Ogochukwu